Introductions – Lost Bougle

SAMSUNG

Intros are a Lost Bougle Tradition. Every year the nerves and excitement build for each player as they stand on the 1st tee waiting, heart pounding, butterflies in the stomach, getting the breath under control – while a fellow Gent craps on about them and everyone giggles.

Cravo 2016/17 (by Felix)

IMG_3031

Oh so close last year, with a choke that only Greg Norman, Jordan Speith and the dominatrix at Tarraleah could possibly understand, this bloke is in illustrious company.

This fine gentleman has put together some scintillating rounds of late, that has had the other tour players muttering adjectives such as ‘Unbeatable’ and ‘favourite’ and ‘How can we snap his Driver?’

Now with two girls, it is believed this tour founding member has changed, his girls tempering his  fire and channelling his drive into a perfect focus that harnesses Zen golf like never before, that or he’s too tired to give a shit, which looks like Zen golf

Everyone loves it when this man comes to compete and turns it on so please put your phones on silent as we watch Cravo give the club a massive heave Ho. One of the favourites!

————————

Leroy 2016/17 (by Basil)

lewah swing

Basil wrote his intro using old technology (paper and pen), and then threw it in the recycling before we could capture it in full. Here is the main gist:

World Number 2, Leroy the sensei master has used snowboarding and mountain biking to invigorate his cross training regime in the past year and with bulletproof coffee in his veins he will be unstoppable. Leroy, one of the favourites!

————————

Felix 2015/16 (by Cravo) (heavily edited – had to be cut short so we could actually start play before dark)

felix chip 3rd lost

Now stepping onto the tee, a man who has had a wonderful year on the Tasmanian Gentlemen’s World Tour, adding another Matchplay Masters title to his bulging Trophy cabinet, challenging for victory in 2 of the other 3 Majors, solidifying his position as World Number Two and aiming to claim his 2nd Bougle and move back to Number One this week. All that and recently getting his handicap down to 12, after shooting +9 at Kingston Beach – before a bit of sensible bushrangering to get out to 14 for this most prestigious Major.

His recent sex scandal (he got his Barnbougle masseuse pregnant) certainly hasn’t harmed his game.

Despite sometimes looking a little short in golf photos, Felix has the biggest game on the World Tour. No one can match his raw power and balletic grace (he beat us all up here on my birthday round – sprained ankle and all – doing actual pirouettes when hitting his drives).

Felix possesses a terrifying mix of golfing attributes (as well as shooting green laser beams out of his eyes) which often sees him beat his opponents mentally before even stepping on the first tee.

Gentlemen please put your hands together for the Reigning Matchplay Master, World Number Two, and past Bougle winner – Felix Camembert Kennedy. One of the favourites!!

————————–

Alex 2015/16 (by Cravo)
image001

Now stepping onto the tee, a man who needs no introduction, and often – no pants!

This tall gentleman is well known in World Golf for his impeccable swing, debonair fashion, dashing good looks, quickfire wit, vigorous shoulder-rubs and acting as a good luck charm for someone in his group in almost every Major he’s played – having helped Cravo (twice) and Felix (once) to Major glory.

There have been some famous Mr Pants achievements right here at past Lost Bougles! Number One was racking up 29 shots on Toms Little Devil. Two was eating all of Basil’s dessert! Three was the four hours of steamy sexual stories from his past that took up the entire ride home from Barny one year!

But all jokes aside, we have all seen this fine Gent hit his devastating high draws and tear Barny and Lost Farm apart, despite only playing about once a year.

We all respect his golf pedigree (being the son of a State A Grade Champ), we are all possibly a little jealous that he’s still shagging heaps of young hotties, and we look forward in coming years to being in awe and fear of his golf game (when he finds the time to play a bit more often).

He would be one of the favourites for this years Lost Bougle Trophy if he were playing all 3 days.

We are honoured and privileged that he has come up today to help us make more history on the Tassie Gentlemen’s World Tour – gentlemen, I give you Alex Nureyev Palmer.

——————–

Basil 2016/17 (by Cravo)

baslost1

After taking a break from the Gentleperson’s World Tour in 2016 to pursue his joint loves of haiku poems and ikebana (traditional Japanese flower arranging), Bas is back!

What arcane secrets did he learn whilst studying ancient golf haikus in Japanberra? What deep sense of balance and harmony did he achieve whilst patiently arranging everlastings, jasmine & chrysanthemums? How will he apply these lessons in stillness and control to his golf swing? Imagine how scary he’ll be with those extra powers!
After all he is a two time Lost Bougle champion, six time Major champion, current World Number One and was also voted worlds sexiest golfer in 2011.
You know what to expect – low bullet draw drives down the fairways, all round excellence and the lowest scores on Tour. Maybe a poem. Perhaps a bunch of pretty flowers on his buggy. The incomparable Sir Basil van Riet. One of the favourites!
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s